Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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