I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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