We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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