i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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