I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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