Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
