We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
