did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
