Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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