You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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