She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
