the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
