I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
