benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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