No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
