Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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