O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
