just tell him i said nine months
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
