Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
