At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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