How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
