dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
