I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
