i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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