there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
