There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
