Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
