mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
