i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize