Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
not ubering you a puppy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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