nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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