There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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