chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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