i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
