Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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