Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i came on her dog
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
