Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
