oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
