I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
