That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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