3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
