I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
