Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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