Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
