Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
a search helicopter?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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