If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
