i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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