I cannot find my penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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