i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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