I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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