I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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