she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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