Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
