I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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