so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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