How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
