I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
