my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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