Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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