Can i not drive my cunt home
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
