my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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