If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
