I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
