haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
