1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
