Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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